The Power of Norm Setting: Lessons from Coldplay
Looking for some inspiration? Watch Coldplay’s performance of “Sky Full of Stars” at Glastonbury Music Festival in England. In it, Chris Martin, Coldplay’s lead singer, performs for a crowd of over 100,000. Just before the song reaches its peak, he stops the music. The crowd groans in protest. Martin asks them to put away their phones. He explains that if they can do this, they will experience a unique collective moment, becoming a “band of 100,000 and four people (the crowd + the members of Coldplay).” He reassures them that they can use their phones after this song, but emphasizes the value of fully participating in the experience. He closes with a mantra, “Phones in your pocket, hands in the sky, that’s the way we’ll make the whole world fly.”
Martin’s request is not about Coldplay’s needs or control; it’s about the audience's collective experience. He empathizes with their desire to capture the moment and shares what’s in it for them—being part of the performance.
In contrast, Busta Rhymes recently made a similar phones away request at Essence Fest but with a different approach. He stopped the music and said, “F*** them camera phones. Let’s get back to interacting like humans. Put them weird a** devices down! I will point every last one of y’all out. This is my first time in New Orleans. Make me feel like we home!"
Let’s state the obvious. Chris Martin is a white man who sings rock/pop. Busta Rhymes is a black man who is a groundbreaking rap artist. They have completely different styles, perspectives and ways of interacting with their audience and the world. If you know and love Busta (as I do) this moment isn’t much of a surprise. I mean, this is the man who made one of the greatest visual feasts of all time, the “Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See” video. Busta’s confident bravado is part of what makes him so successful. I personally am not offended by how he interacted with the crowd. Also, as someone who has facilitated a lot of development, seeing folks on their phone while you’re speaking, let alone performing in front of an arena, would be difficult. I understand the emotion.
Who’s right or wrong is inconsequential. What I’m pointing out is the values behind each approach and which one is more effective given the circumstances. Coldplay’s fosters a sense of collective participation, while Busta’s relies on individual compliance, shame, and ego. Coldplay’s method is more effective, as evidenced by the phones that stayed away during their performance in contrast to the phones that stayed out, recorded Busta, and made the moment go viral.
At School Leader Lab, we try to take the Coldplay approach. We ground norms in what’s possible if they are followed. For example, instead of just instructing our leaders to be present during sessions, we explore the impact of distractions on their fellow cohort mates. We invite them to consider how distractions can cause disonnance during the vulnerable storytelling that are an essential element of our program. We also suggest they use our time together as practice for the active listening skills their teachers want from them. We encourage them to have confidence in the folks back at school. What would be the power of their people feeling trusted by their leader to handle things while they’re in charge? By sharing what’s in it for them—building stronger, more trusting relationships, being better leaders back at school, a day of renewal and learning so they can go back stronger—we make norms about collective benefit, not just compliance.
We also address what happens if norms are broken. If someone struggles with a norm, an SLL team member will privately discuss the issue and offer support. This approach encourages accountability and avoids hurtful surprises. It’s also a model of how to handle norm breaking back at school.
As educators, we understand the difference between a classroom where students are merely compliant and one where they are fully invested. The latter is marked by greater engagement and enthusiasm. The same principle applies to adults. Shifting norms from a compliance measure to a tool for co-creation changes everything.
Want to Avoid the Meeting After the Meeting? Start with Norms.
Ground norms in values: Strong norms start with strong values. Over the past year at School Leader Lab, we’ve revamped our values to make them more compelling, authentic, and aligned to observable behaviors. If they don’t feel real, you’ll just skip over them. Check out this Southwest Airlines exemplar.
Go back to the norms during every single meeting: Make grounding in the norms and reflecting on the norms a part of your meeting protocol. Many times, teams set norms at the beginning of the year, assume everyone is on the same page about what they mean, and never revisit them again. Make norms a living, breathing component of every gathering.
Model, model, model: As the leader, you set the tone. If you have a “be present” norm, stay off your phone (including when visiting classrooms). If you have an “embrace conflict” norm, slow the group down when it is clear there is tension.
Have a mantra: Coldplay had “Phones in your pocket, hands in the sky, that’s the way we’ll make the whole world fly.” My dad had “The lazy person works the hardest.” Schools are full of documents, initiatives and a million competing priorities. A catchy mantra goes a long way to help people remember what the focus is. At School Leader Lab, ours is “Be the Coke.” Our leaders deserve the very best from us in every moment and interaction, large and small. Don’t be Pepsi. Be Coke. (Sorry to all my Pepsi fans out there but let’s be real. Coke is objectively superior. Not only does it have more than twice the market share but it just tastes better. I won’t be taking comments at this time.
By embracing these approaches, we can transform norms from mere compliance measures into powerful tools for enhancing collaboration and creating meaningful shared experiences.
